Why You Should NOT Visit Southern Utah

noahs outdoors

If you’re not into world-class scenery, adventure, relaxation, entertainment, events and attractions, then southern Utah is definitely not for you.

St. George, Utah and surrounding areas, located in the southwest corner of Utah, is one of North America’s best-kept secrets and I intend to keep it that way; I simply don’t like having to share it. So with this in mind, here are five reasons why you should not visit southern Utah.

Reason #1: Grotesque Scenery

With stunning red rock cliffs, fascinating sandstone intricately deformed by wind and water, statuesque natural arches, kaleidoscopic and rapturous sunsets, breathtaking desert vistas splashed with brilliant color from hundreds of varieties of wildflowers and complimented by majestic, wooded peaks, southern Utah is a mystical, gnarly, and wild planet reserved only for poets, dreamers, wanderers, adventurers, and lovers.

And you’re not one of those types, right? I mean, if the Native Americans who left thousands of petroglyphs in southern Utah couldn’t last here, does it really sound like a place you want to visit?

Reason #2: Too Many National Parks

With Grand Canyon, Zion, Bryce Canyon, Arches, Canyonlands, and Capitol Reef National Parks all within convenient driving distance of St. George, southern Utah is simply overcrowded with national parks. And this isn’t even to mention Glen Canyon, Grand Staircase, Rainbow Bridge, Lake Powell, and Valley of Fire.

How do you expect to choose from them all? Isn’t it asking too much of a traveler to make such a decision?

Do yourself a favor and pick something predictable for your next vacation. Wouldn’t you rather fight the traffic, crowds, and lines of Disneyland, as opposed to facing the risk of becoming addicted to and intoxicated by the peace, grandeur, and majesty of southern Utah?

Reason #3: Risky Adventure

There’s so much adventure available in southern Utah that it’s downright scary. Camping, hiking, rock climbing, canyoneering, mountain biking, skiing and snowboarding, fishing, kayaking, spelunking, boating, and hunting are just a few of the available options for St. George, Utah visitors.

And since all of those are risky, the smart, safe traveler will avoid them like the plague.

Reason #4: Too Much Opportunity To Relax

You have a busy life. And it’s busy for a reason: You have so many important things to do. Do you really want to jeopardize your business and career projects by relaxing in decadent full-service spas, wasting time playing world-class golf courses, or luxuriating in beautiful bed-and-breakfasts?

Seriously, shouldn’t you be working more?

Reason #5: Family Conflict Over Events & Attractions

Visiting southern Utah will do nothing but add unnecessary conflict to your family as you try to choose between the endless supply of events and attractions. Will you attend an exceptional music theater show at the world-renowned Tuacahn, or visit the breathtaking homes at the acclaimed Parade of Homes? Will it be the Shakespearian Festival, or the Utah Summer Games? Will you run the famous St. George Marathon, or participate in the outstanding Senior Games?

Add this to the fact that St. George is only an hour and a half north of Las Vegas, and you have a recipe for family disaster. Why put yourself through the hassle? Do your bonding at home watching TV, and avoid the conflict of trying to choose between the first-class events and attractions found in southern Utah.

If these five reasons haven’t been enough to convince you not to visit St. George, Utah, then probably nothing will. If you’re considering a visit to southern Utah, take it from me, a person who visited here accidentally and ended up staying for good. Move along, folks, there’s nothing to see here. Really.